5 Ways to Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

We have so much we want to do and accomplish as leaders. We dream, create, plan, review, plan some more, and tweak, tweak, tweak. Is this perfectionism or is this fear; and really, aren’t they both the same? Sometimes, we stand behind all of these activities to stay legitimately busy. However, these activities keep us behind the computer.There comes a time (probably now) that we need to step out from behind the computer and into the world of personal interaction. When we step out, then, we can really leave impressions teaching, helping, and leading with those we met. Breaking out of our comfort zones may be different strategies for different people. For some of us we may need to just jump in the water, or we may dive into the deep end, and for some of us, we may just put one toe at a time into the water.The key is to have some movement toward your goal. Success, transformation, and the magic is just outside of our comfort zone. Our movement outside of our comfort zone can start small. One of my clients began this move out of her comfort zone just by taking a different route to work and sitting in a different chair each time she met in the conference room. Here are some strategies to break through your comfort zone barrier:

• Try something new (food, book topic, or music)

• Attend a lecture or presentation on a topic you know nothing about (I did this recently and was fascinated with the learning)

• Identify your habits and look at those habitual behaviors with fresh eyes to uncover the expiration date

• Find a buddy or accountability partner – maybe even take on this project together for support

• Be honest, loving, and patient with yourself as you embark on this journey

OK, here is the challenge:Challenge yourself to commit to one activity outside your comfort zone each day for 21 days and watch your world change, and open before you. I would love to hear from you.Please share your wins of moving outside your comfort zone so we can celebrate!

Forgiveness IS Freedom

I have to share this quote with you by Robert Muller, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Forgiveness is a challenging concept for many leaders. While we understand the idea and we know forgiveness when it happens, the vagueness surrounding forgiveness is illusive. The ambiguity enfolding forgiveness stems from our questions of how to bring about forgiveness/understanding, and from where it actually originated.

How did we even get here—the need or desire to forgive?

We look to practice forgiveness when we are angry, wronged, or hurt. Oftentimes we hold on to anger as a form of power. We feel in control and ultimately powerful when we hold onto our anger, justified in our feelings and hoping that the person we believe hurt us may feel guilty or remorseful for what we perceive they have done to us.

Avoiding forgiveness allows us to fuel our anger, feeling justified and entitled in our anger or pain as victims. Avoiding forgiveness is avoiding responsibility. We are victims because we believe we have no power. Playing the victim role deepens the feelings of pain and anger justification.

Because forgiveness is a state of being, action is required to move into that place or that state. Like so many other lessons, avoiding forgiveness is not static. Anger leads to judgment. Judgment leads to blame, and blame leads to resentment.

Resentment is really unresolved anger and resentment hurts us, manifesting in stress-related illness, anxiety, or depression. Resentment hardens our hearts paving a path of vengeance. We can lose ourselves in judgment, condemnation, and conflict, all the while wondering why we are not happy or content.

Forgiveness is a choice. We take responsibility for our peace of mind and happiness when we choose to forgive. And forgiveness starts with ourselves. To make this choice, we experience a miracle.

The process of experiencing the miracle of forgiveness is perception shifting. The change in attitude comes to us through grace. Cultivating a practice of forgiveness first begins with self-forgiveness. Dr. Robin Casarjian describes six steps to practice self-forgiveness in her book, Forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge the truth.

2. Take responsibility for what you have done.

3. Learn from the experience by acknowledging the deeper feelings that motivated the behaviors and thoughts for which you now feel guilty and hold yourself in judgment.

4. Open your heart to yourself and compassionately listen to the fears and calls for help and acknowledgment deep within.

5. Heal emotional wounds by heeding the calls in healthy, loving, and responsible ways.

6. Align with your Self and affirm your fundamental innocence.

By practicing self-forgiveness, always remember to be gentle with yourself, suspending judgment, allowing and receiving miracles in this holy space. The miracle and shift in perception and attitude gives us insight about others and ourselves.

I would love to hear from you. What is the first step you are willing to commit to today to move you into self-forgiveness?

With Love,

Dr. Maria

What’s on Your Plate?

Sometimes we find that we have too much on our plates. Okay, that can be both literal and figurative. When we have too much on our plates literally, we experiences unhealthy consequences such as weight gain, high blood pressure, heart disease, and more.When we have too much on our plates figuratively we become overwhelmed and stressed and we suffer unhealthy consequences such as weight gain, high blood pressure, heart disease, and more. Deja vu!As we move into the fourth quarter of the year, it is a good time for us to look at our plates and see what’s there.The following exercise is one I do with my clients and is very helpful to take a good hard look at what’s on your plate:

1. First, section your plate into eight different sections:• Spiritual• Work/career• Personal growth• Family• Financial• Living environment• Community/volunteer• Health/wellness
2. Next, identify challenges or issues from the sections of your plate.
3. Finally, review each section of the plate and answer the following questions:• What can come off my plate?• Where can I take control and shift some of the responsibilities?• Pay close attention to your feelings as you complete this exercise. Do you feel resistance in an area, relief, or something else?

When you complete the exercise, commit to at least one change on your plate per week between now and the end of the month. Remember, it takes at least 21 days to set a new habit.Good luck and let me know how it goes!With love,MariaDr. Maria Church, CPC, is a leadership coach, speaker, and author of Love-Based Leadership: Transform Your Life with Meaning and Abundance and her upcoming book, A Course in Leadership: 21 Spiritual Lessons on Leadership, Love, and Life. Maria holds a doctorate of management in organizational leadership, teaches at several universities, and is CEO of Dr. Maria Church International LLC, a leadership coaching, development, and training firm. For more information, visit www.DrMariaChurch.com.